Monday, April 16, 2018

Appreciating Your Possessions: Extending Faith Through Extending Credit

     Another moonth is upon us, just as the Jungian shadow of the Moon is upon the Earth every forthwith and forthwhence. If time is money, then it's money for another lesson. But first, what have we learned thus far?
     That, though your cracked subconscious be flawed, it and its master are of the utmost value, almost as if they were holey. That you must choose your possessions wisely, and possess them as would a ghost, or else they shall possess you. That spiritual appreciation is the source of financial appreciation; of appreciation in value. That the source of value is the meaning of your name: it is like Hanson Enhancing the Value of the Ensign.
     To be not fooled by claims that “witchcraft” is itself a “source” of value; it is but an intermediary, a midwife and witness to the Birth of Value. The Cherishing TechniqueTM is as a divining rod, pointing us in the direction of The Source. Full ownership of yourself requires that you exploit the scarcity of your Unique, and redeem yourself – and the very sweat of your brow - for cash!
     To invest and extend credit is to invest and extend faith, that to put stock in your beliefs is how to take maximum advantage of your leverage. By choosing a living currency – one backed by time, and which is pierced, can be tethered, and keeps as current as the waters – we may procure a currency that works for us, instead of the other way around. Only then may we find a currency suitable for assisting us to work for one another, and for a wage other than death.
     To numismance the stone is to get through the Eye of the Rai. We mustn't fuck holes in ourselves by worshiping Mammon; instead, we must fuck those holes in order to sacrifice the hole for the whole of the donut. To do this is to see the Spiritual Light through the lens of the Eternal Bagel, to prevent the Moon from growing/glowing/growling/glowering red with blood mooney. It is to use the Moon as our spectacles, not as a spectacle, nor as a spectre.
     Only through the Cherishing TechniqueTM may we save ourselves from losing sight of the (w)hole in the Donut. For the donut is the pierced blood cell which is at the root of all existence, and thus the root of all living value. To see the Black Hole Son, the Day Religion and the Night Religion, and the Cosmic Clock Theory (and its corresponding time=money system) verily, we must Fuck With a Sigil.
     Also, double your value by killing your doppelgänger.
     This much we know for sure.
     And that is why we must blow a hole in the Moon.

     We cannot fit into the hands of God unless you put a hole in there first. Similarly, if we, our money, our god, and our Moon do not have holes in them, then they cannot be tethered down, and the Heavens can Spirit them away. The Moon is the last of these four to remain whole; thus, it must become hole for the cosmic coin-counter to be complete. This is how you keep your value Earth-bound. For if the Moon has a hole, then it can be tied to the Earth.
     Oh, also, we're gonna blow a hole in the Earth.
     The Discordians evidently believe that all value derives from 2 and 3. It has apparently escaped their notice that 0 is the source of 1, and thus, the source of all value and values. Their numerology is like a god that someone forgot to properly tie down at the hitching post. We must teach the Discordians how to return the favor which 0 gave to 1; by annihilating the 1, by adding a negative 1. it is in this way that by adding a hole to a barrel, we decrease its weight, though we add something to it. Again, think negative space, think Mustard Seed.
     I'm sure you think you need a hole in the Moon and the Earth like you need a hole in your hand, but have ye not heard it said that “Cleanliness is next to godliness”? As this is true, we must be wary, for our “money” is unclean in so many ways, as has been elaborynthmiated previously. And also, that “portability is next to trackability”?
     Though itchy money be a wolf's bane, rejoice! For, fortunately for you, portability, durability, divisibility, fungibility, induplicability, rarity, stability, and trackability are also next to godliness! Though a cloned Christ, or a cloned you, be duplicable, take heart! For this exempts you - saves you - from being used like a currency!
     Just as well, redeemability in real assets; effort involved in creation; high purchasing power, and service as a unit of accounting, medium exchange, and real store of value, are next to godliness. All of these are like theology; they are Like a Prayer.

     If mankind is to be redeemed, then it (he?) must be redeemed in real assets. But if that's so, then given that cows (also known as beef-apples) were one of the earliest forms of currency – being that their value derives from their mobility, their ability to self-replicate, and, just like the Chinese tea brick, the ability to be eaten as food in an emergency - what is to prevent us from taking them as Sacred Cows? From treating them as Golden Bulls, instead of gold bullion? From crucifying mankind upon a Cross of Beef? I've got no beef with them!
     We all know that the buillon cube is a portable, divided unit of accounting on the beef stock market. But cubes are not the shape for buillon which God hath ordained. Nay, the proper shape is the shape of the Moon. But are the Moon and Earth shaped as we believe?
     We can start with what we know for certain: first, that WeTM LiveTM InsideTM theTM EarthTM. It may take a Moonatic to explain, but we can infer from this that the Earth is a hollow disk. Those who doubt will ask, “Why, though the Earth seem flat from one perspective, from another it appear round as the disk of the Son?” But true believers will know that this is the result of the Earth being shaped like a nickel; and upon this nickel I shall build my Church. And just as the Earth is shaped like a nickel, so too is the Moon.
     The Earth goes 'round the Moon, just as naturally as the Moon goes around the Son. Everything revolves around the Son, just ask one of his followers. We celebrate Eostre, of course, by remembering that the Son hatched like an egg. Why? Because the Moon, just like God, is an egg. And just like the egg, God, and we His children, the Moon shall one day crack.
     Looking into the Eye of the Rai will afford us the Name. And the Name of the Rai is fei; Fay who say “they fill up slots with little things they find in space”. Our little Earth is but a nickel in the slot of a great cosmic slot machine, the plaything of some alien or deity who fashions zimself some sort of pinball wizard. And when the Earth and Moon have holes, they can be threaded with string. And if God can tie a string through his coins, then when God goes to play pinball, He can Get His Money Back.

     Just like the rai, and your god, you too must die while being brought to Shore. Or else, while helping others reach the shore. So the greater becomes the heroic tale of your money-carrying, Christ-carrying journey. And thus, the rai appreciate, while themselves being appreciated. As you are precious, so too are you appreciated. Although this sensing sentience - this touching feeling – is the root of the subject-object confusion, it is also its resolution.
     The only way to intellectually appreciate your possession - “your” god – is to poke a hole in it. It shows inquisitiveness; to poke a hole in it is to challenge it. And God always appreciates a challenge or a bet.
     Ye have heard it said that “He who does not work, neither shall he eat”. But from whom cometh this quote? St. Paul, of blessed memory, yes, and the Jamestown settlers, but also Lenin. What if you do as God commands, and walk around eating like a bird? Isn't it an assault on the freedom of worship to require a license for that?
     What is the purpose of a left-vs.-right divide on economic issues, when the “money” we all use is of no value to begin with? One side values labor and believes the Earth round, while the other values capital and believes the Earth flat. Reconciliation only becomes possible when currency stops being impossible; and that can only be done through alchemy.
     Just as “property is impossible” - since a society can't have property norms without either a state or unanimous agreement – currency is impossible. How can you hold a society's monetary norms together without either a standing army, or else mass psychology? Believe the Oculus, not the ochlocracy.

     As you will recall, Milton Friedman remarked that myth – that is, unquestioned, unverified superstition – is the most important element in a society's monetary system.
     A myth sets up the basis of an economic system, and thus a monetary system. As in the Cahokia Mounds, when a society chooses to spend hundreds of years building something – to help a warlord, or as tribute to a god – then its economy inevitably revolves around that. Just as well, its currency will be based on whichever resource occurs naturally in the area and has the popularity to become a durable form of currency for some amount of time.
     In his analysis of rai, Friedman rightfully avoided value judgments. But had Friedman concluded his research with a shamanic recommendation – like that we rip the cow's heart out before turning it into money, in order to boost the value of our beef-disks; or perhaps that we ought to eat our money to gain its purchasing power – then he could have made his observations that myth matters most in monetary matters more moving. ...By the way, do that.
     Why didn't Friedman ever shake a stick that had shrunken heads dangling from it, so the jaws open and close as the stick shakes up and down? Ludwig von Mises may be to blame. Ludwig von Mises (rhymes with “Jesus”) said, “Economics must not be relegated to classrooms and statistical offices, and must not be left to esoteric circles.”
     And so, the free-marketer flat-Earthist must ask himself, why didn't Friedman ever notice his disagreement with Mises? Surely you can't have a coherent economic theory (and corresponding monetary cosmology) if one of your theorists believes that myth is essential to economics, while another believes that economics “must not be left to esoteric circles”? Blasphemy!
     Esoteric circles ought to determine everything! If indeed the Chaos Theory of Value is the key to overcumming the Power Theory of Value, then it must support a currency which is, like USD, truly a cum-oddity. For as we splurge with it, we splooge upon it. Therefore, only qualified alchemists may do monetary theory.

     Fortunately, there's a little more thinking going on about this subject on the Left.
     Labor leader Big Bill Heywood said, “The mine owners did not find the gold, they did not mine the gold, they did not mill the gold, but by some weird alchemy all the gold belonged to them!” Heywood alone spies the alchymical marriage which is necessary to spawn a healthy new monetary system.
     While Heywood understands the importance of alchemy in establishing a monetary system the best out of all those considered herein, Karl Marx comes close, and certainly bests Friedman. That's because Marx said, “The less you eat, drink, and buy books; the less you go to the theatre, the dance hall, the public house; the less you think, love theorise, sing, paint, fence, etc., the more you save – the greater becomes the treasure which neither moths nor rust will devour – your capital.”
     Just as Lenin echoed the Christian settlers at Jamestown and the Christian St. Paul, Marx echoed Christ's exhortation in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 6:19). And we pretend that there is any purpose for the left-vs.-right divide on religious matters, let alone the economic and the monetary! Why divide people according to their values, when you can divide your currency into equally valuable units!? Only when moonetary matters are settled, may Jamestown, Russia, or the Kingdom of God - or the tab, for that matter - be settled.

     If you read your Bible, you'll know that God always speaks in capital letters. He calls Himself YHWH, and I AM, like a pissed-off internet troll. Why does He do this? To show people the Meaning of His Word, which is the source of all value in the universe.
     Speaking in tongues wouldn't even have occurred to us if not for God! He's the 0ne who taught us to ritualistically induce ecstatic trance, so that we generate new words! Think of how many more words you could capitalize on, if you also trademarked the CAPITALIZED versions of the divine but apparently meaningless utterances that you generate during trance states! Think of the prophets you'll rake in!
     Marx knew this just as well; for his advice shows that he understood the importance of not only capital and myth in creating value, but also of capitalizing on what you say, so that you don't have to capitalize what you say.

     For the Earth, too, shall crack like an egg.
     Roll those nickels, God wants to play another round.

Written on April 15th and 16th, 2018

Originally Published on April 16th, 2018

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Coping with a Faith-Based Currency: A Guide for the Uninitiated

     In February 2018, The Zambian Observer published an article entitled “Witches and Wizards Are Very Important to the Development of Our Economy – Prof[essor] Luo”. According to the article, Nkandu Luo, a professor and Higher Education Minister in Zambia, said that her country ought to utilize “witchcraft technology” to aid the development of the nation.
     Luo has suggested that witchcraft technology could be used to help Zambians become capable of “travelling long distances within seconds”. She has reportedly called on scientists to “consider conducting research and the study of witchcraft as a science that can be used productively for the benefit of the country”, commenting “I could not help but think of witchcraft when I saw a mobile phone put into a box and it turned into a lady's pant!”

     Fortunately for us in the Western world, we have our own “witchcraft technology” that allows us to travel long distances within seconds, and helps us turn a cell phone into a lady's pant... it's called a cell phone!
     Nevertheless, Professor Luo is to be commended for her attention to the need to increase research on witchcraft as a science. Of course, witchcraft needs to be explored not only as a physical science, but also as an economic science. That's because, as an innately spiritual science, witchcraft studies have applications and ramifications which lie far outside the realm of the mere mortal, material, and infrastructural.
     Simply put, a voodoo economics must necessarily have a proper voodoo microeconomics and a voodoo macroeconomics to go with it. … The new ritual is gonna help with the corn.
     And that is the purpose of this article; to help explain to you – the muggle – how to budget your moon-perusal-time-labor-mountain-hour-value responsibly, so that you can avoid putting too much of your retirement funds on over-comprehensively packaged Petrodollar-Weapondollar-Coalition-backed blood-sweat-tears dollars derivatives (PWC-USD-BST), and start putting too much of your retirement savings into living forever!
     It's fine to think of your retirement as a basket full of “nest eggs”, but it's better to think of it as a vampire's bed. It's a casket, not a basket!TM Planning to retire is planning to fail. Hey, maybe we would live a little longer if the money that pays for our medical needs weren't covered in toxic chemicals!

     Once you've finished summoning the dæmon or angel of your choice- oops! Did I forget to mention that that's what you were supposed to be doing while reading the previous article? Oh well. That's just how chaos magick goes sometimes; you don't know what you've summoned until the angel is standing over your left shoulder reading this... Oh hey, how's it goin'!?... Look what you made me do!
     Anyway, one moment you're fastening a candelabra onto your wall, the next thing you know, you're reading upside-down and summoning the ghost of Aaron Spelling so you can spell the word you're spelling correctly while you cast a spell with the word that you're spelling. It happened to Xzibit, it can happen to any one of us. Let your freak Frigg fly.
     As soon as you let the angel (a category which technically encompasses all dæmons, in addition to cherubim and other choirs) help you finish your interior decorating scheme, you are ready to take the steps necessary to start using the fad currency of this month, which I have decided is a tiny clone of Jesus Christ that fits in your pocket, and writes down all the transactions that you complete using Him into the Book of Life forever and ever, Amen.
     And this clone of Jesus, His Name shall be called The Bread of LifeTM. You know that 150-year-old sourdough bread in San Francisco that keeps expanding, and they keep cutting little hunks of sourdough bread off of it, and then bake it so they can sell it to people? That is what the Kingdom of Heaven is like. The life in your loaf is not diminished by the Wheat in your Feet.

Although I have explained at great length in the previous articles why Jesus Christ makes a nearly perfect currency, to paraphrase John: “there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the economics books that should be written.”
     For Jesus hath paid all our taxes, the rent, and even picked up the check at the Last Supper, by paying His life, otherwise valued at but thirty pieces of silver. This is why self-sacrifice is the basis of prudent investment. This is, truly, the Greatest Story Ever Sold! It's called the “Bible”, it tells you what to buy right in the name! For God's omnipotence is so great that it defies all logic; He is so all-powerful that even He could never make a dinner check so big that He himself could not pick it up.
     Only a mortal asshole like one of us could fuck up so bad that it throws a god off the course of His day. God's fuckups cost us money, but our fuckups cost God money (Isaiah 53:5). So if you don't use a currency that keeps current with what God wants, then you're not going to be able to pay God the specific type of money he said to leave in the knotted Tree of Life in the park at midnight if you ever want to see His Sun again.
     That is why I'd like to share with you the Gospel of Christ Socialist, and accept Jesus Christ as your Lord, Savior, and currency. I mean, if Jesus Christ is not a major credit card, then why is He accepted everywhere? This is the illusory nature of God.

     The wages of sin is death. Christ died, you save! Christ's savings get “passed on” (no pun intended) to you.
     A debt that is forgiven, is considered paid. Through Christ, all is forgiven; the rent, what you owe for your food, your taxes, all of it. That means all is paid; you don't even owe anyone your blood. Any blood you give will be of your own volition. Send your blood now to Commodity Fetish Records, and receive a free permit to commit the sin of your choice! Think of it as a self-Indulgence, a Get-Out-of-Inquisition-Free Card.
     You can't be saved without God's blood, and you can't be fiscally responsible unless you take matters into your own Hands, so if God won't allow His blood to be shed, then you've got to take that blood, and get your money back! Do you have any idea how valuable the blood of Christ (also known as Divine Wine) is? Why, you could clone one of those little blood-cell donuts and make yourself a Jesus-clone with a donut-hole hand-piercing to sit in your pocket and keep your books all cosmic Day (1,000 Earth years) long!
     Even mortal blood makes an excellent currency, as I have explained. It's made of living tissue, so it's basically alive, and that means it's mobile and easily transportable. Much like Christ, blood and bloodshed are accepted everywhere (or, at least, everywhere that Christ is accepted). You can't have a currency unless it's covered in blood, and what's more covered in blood than blood itself?
     The answer is, of course, U.S. Dollars. But we must not crucify mankind on a cross of gold, nor a cross of paper. If we cannot use Go(l)d as our money, then the Word must suffice. For at least the Word is written on paper. But if our money is drenched with the Blood of Christ, then why should it be made of paper and cotton, when it could be made of paper and wool? Follow the Lamb.

     If we keep the Bible in our chest pockets, then we can keep God close to our hearts. But if we keep Jesus clones in our pants pockets, we can keep God close to our farts. For Jesus-clones, like Peter at the Gates of Dawn Heaven, are not just Living Blockchains, but Blockchains Who Never Died. Only Jesus and St. Peter know, with their Book of Life, who hath smelt it and who hath dealt it; who's been naughty and who's been nice. They are the Bookkeepers of Life, who taketh all bets.
     Yea, though God the Father be the only one who knoweth when to hold 'em and knoweth when to fold 'em, mortals may place any bet they please on when Olam Ha-Ba (the World to Come) will be nigh. All opposed, say “nigh”. The debts of the unrepentant sinners are the only debts left to be paid, and they must be paid in a Bill, so sayeth Bill Nigh the Christian Science Guy. But Benedictine Order now, and you can pipe-organ-ize your pockets with this limited-edition vest-pocket savior! Save your money, savior soul!
     Is your landlord harassing you for the rent? Well, unless Jesus is your landlord, just tell them that your rent has already been paid, because Jesus is your real landlord, and He has your rent covered... covered in blood, no less! That's the kind of true coverage that only a major credit card could offer. That's why the Body of Christ has been traded - from hand to hand, from prison to prison - for the last two-thousand-some-odd years. He never died; He went to Rome, to be crucified again! It's like the B-52s said: “Rome if you want to, Rome around the world.”
     But Jesus is stuck down in the Vatican vaults somewhere, chained up next to all the other Human Books, waiting for someone to look Him up in the RoloCodex. Yea, the Son of God is like a turtle or a hermit crab, carrying His Cross around – from life to life – as His only permanent home. This is God's mortgage to bear, literally meaning “death agreement”.
     A cross, by the way, makes an excellent long-term investment, because it serves as a mobile home; you can lay down on it even when you have nowhere to lay Your head.

     Don't get me wrong; we all want to “make money”. But remember that gun control slogan “Guns don't kill people, people kill people”? You don't “make money”; the Department of the Treasury does! “How can we make money?” Only with the blood of Jesus. Or with a communion wafer printing press.
     It is profoundly irrational, absurd, and naïve to think that you could “make” money that most other people would be willing to use. Just as it is absurd to imagine that you can truly earn or own a currency which is made by somebody else, has the name of a private company on it, and is covered with the faces of dead people. Shouldn't it be covered with your face? Or maybe, like... the blood of Jesus Christ (like, instead of the blood, sweat, and tears of the working taxpayer)? But hey, you can't make a currency omelet without breaking a couple of legs. A currency amulet, however, is a different story.
     The hole in our currency is like the holes in our souls. A currency with a hole in it, is one that can be chained up, and a currency that can be chained up can also be chained down. But on the other HandTM, a currency that can be chained up can also be easily transported. Of course, you can't make a necklace without something pierced to thread it through, and an angel that is not held in chains is free to disobey God.
     Being in chains may bring you sorrow, but if you've ever worked in meat processing, you know that some tasks require the worker's hands to be chained in order to prevent them from being accidentally cut off by giant slicing equipment. And who knows better about how to process and present an old chunk of flesh, and then act like they didn't play any role in butchering it, than the Catholic Church? Pews and graves have got to be filled.

     We must render unto Caesar's that which is Caesar's, and render unto God that which is God's. In Matthew and Mark, Jesus instructs his followers to examine whose face is on the coins they're using; it's the face of Tiberius Caesar.
     Is George Washington on your money? Send it back to George Washington. Is he dead? Drop it on his grave and make it rain! Is “Federal Reserve” on your money? Send it back to the Federal Reserve! They're the only ones who believe it has any value anyway. Jesus, though, couldn't come right out and say that, because no matter what He said on the topic, it would have been misinterpreted.
     See, it's not often explained that Jesus had a speech impediment, resulting from His snake-like triple-forked tongue. It was a mutation which rendered Him (what, in those days, was considered) a “cripple”. But just like Rudolph's red nose, this hideous deformity served a useful purpose to his peers: speaking three languages at once. The laughing and calling him names came later.
     Jesus' trilingualism - “a state of having three tongues” in denotation, but “a state of using three languages” in connotation - allowed Him to transmit three messages at once, to three different audiences (just like Hillary Clinton!). It's confusing to the novice believer, but if you can read between the two outermost of Jesus's three tongues, then when you read the Bible, you can read between the lines.

     Don't believe for a second that you can own a currency that lacks an image of your own face. As Man is made in the image of God, an image of the human face is an image – a representation - of the visage of God. And that is the true Mark of Value.

     In Emperor we trust.

Written on March 15th, 2018

Thursday, February 15, 2018

2017-2018 Political Memes

Former Libertarian Presidential Candidate Michael Badnarik

2018 Illinois Libertarian Gubernatorial Candidate Jon Stewart

2018 Illinois Libertarian Comptroller Candidate Claire Ball



Poor Kid Proudhon

Poor Kid Proudhon

Poor Kid Proudhon

Poor Kid Proudhon

Poor Kid Proudhon

All memes created between April 2nd, 2017 and March 6th, 2018
Except final image, created ca. 2011

Originally Published on February 15th, 2018
Edited and Expanded on February 27th, 2018
Expanded on March 1st and 6th, 2018

To see older memes, please visit the following addresses: